Stealing the Light

There were few moments in my life where I thought that my voice is just not enough to be heard. It was quite hurting and the bitter, uneasy truth  upon circumstances faced. At the same time it is somehow fading my confidence to stand straight without leaning against other's decision. When people asked for a view, opinion or even decision  (via online  group usually) I sometimes asked myself whether they are really asking me because they need my real answer.. or they just ask for the sake of asking while they had all the answers for all the questions in their hands?

Working in a team can somehow gives me quite a pressure too, especially when I felt that someone steal the whole attention of decision making, even without them realising.. perhaps being sensitive is not a crucial issue but when people started to not seeing your existence, it is a red flag for me.  As a leader this is really a great pressure I had to deal with. Sigh! I could be indecisive at some stake, but it doesn't mean that I am an uncertain person to decide. Excuse me, give me my way and don't stand in between of the light! Period.

Not that I try to act bossy or wanted everything to be under my control, but when the decision has been pre-made or pre discussed behind my back it was just like pouring salt onto the wound ~ it sucks! It is really irritating and annoying when you become the last person to be referred to in ANY situation. I don't even know the best way to put the frustration I felt in words because it's really HURTING me and jeopardizing my peace at once. Indeed, feeling is the language of the soul..

O Allah help me to overcome this uneasy feeling and grant me patience to face all challenges in life... Aamiin. KepadaMu aku berserah 🥺